Break Through

If you haven't noticed it by now, I have an awesome Hubby. (Collective "Aw" inserted here...) Yesterday I got a debilitating migraine while we were working in the yard, and my daughter promptly had an allergic reaction to cucumbers and we had a long night. Needless to say, the Tylenol PM did not work its magic last night and this morning, for the lack of a better term, sucked.

So how did Hubby rise to the occasion? He fixed breakfast, tried to corral the baby in the kitchen, and let me keep the light off in the kitchen though he steadfastly read the paper like he always does. He tried to keep her from screeching - she has an amazing ability to reach high decibel levels without warning, and let me heal this morning. This is the only way I am able to function this morning - let alone, blog this morning, without checking myself into the hospital.

But in my pain I learned something. I never have liked drinking alcohol, which may sound like a good thing, but it really puts a damper on one's social life. Other teetotalers will agree that when one does not drink, everybody who is drinking seems to think that they are making some statement of being 'better' or more moral than everyone who is when it's just not true. Like Doc in Cannery Row, sometimes making a lie up puts people more at ease with my choices, so instead of "I don't like to drink," I'll say, "I'm the designated driver." This is still a problem at bars, parties, or any celebration that usually brings socially acceptable levels of libations. "How much wine is your husband planning on drinking??" is a pretty normal response.

So, what does drinking and migraines have to do with one another? The fish-eye lens. It's that feeling that you can only focus on one thing at a time very closely, and as soon as your focus moves, you can only focus on the new thing then. That is precisely what a migraine feels like to me, accompanied by a massive amount of pain, and it is also how I feel when I am feeling buzzed... albeit with less pain. I have suffered from migraines for as long as I can remember, and I have suffered from alcohol for a relatively short time, and so it only makes sense that I associate more pain with the fish-eye lens than I do pleasure. The taste of alcohol has often been considered an acquired taste... why would I give myself a chance to acquire such a taste if it means pain?

I hope this explains to everybody who I might have offended (brothers, friends, and Hubby included,) why I have not appropriately appreciated your liquors. This is not meant to excuse me from trying it - I hope to one differentiate my fish-eye lens aversion, but maybe this can help people understand migraines as well. The worst part about them is that I look normal, only lazy, drunk, or hung over. If I looked physically as bad as I felt, I would be deathly green and in need of a brain transfusion.

Perhaps more people associate the way I look with a migraine to a wonderful night on the town, desensitizing them to my condition? Food for thought.