Class Pets

I am so fortunate to be able to bring my dog to school, taking all need for a class pet away. All my attempts, usually involving fish, have turned disastrous, so for the animal kingdom, this is just as well. There is a certain risk you take when introducing an animal to a school environment - like the hamster that ate her young in Elementary school or the snake that was scared of mice in middle school; things do not always work out as planned.

The 2nd and 3rd grade teacher (I'll call her Mrs. Turtle,) has a class turtle in her room. While visiting her room, I commented that I would never get anything done in her room because I would be too fixated on the turtle.
She made a funny expression and said, "Yeah, especially when he starts humping his rock."
I did a double-take. "Does this happen often?"
"Only about three to four times a day."
Let me mention that Mrs. Turtle is not a crass woman - quite the opposite. She's about my mother's age, and would never be considered anything but prim and proper which makes this story so funny to me; not to mention that the rock was pretty turtle-like.
"And would you believe that one of my 3rd graders figured out what he was doing? He says to me, 'I think the turtle thinks his rock is a girl rock,' and I told him, 'No, turtles don't think about things like that.' I just knew I was going to get a call from his parents that night."
Later on, SOMEHOW this came up in one of my classes. (Something about confusing one thing for another.) My students were quite impressed, and later on one student called another student a 'perverted turtle', and it stuck. Now I knew that I was going to have to explain to Mrs. Turtle, just in case a bunch of Sophomores decided to come and see her turtle randomly, but she was not concerned.
"Oh, if they ever are student aids in my room, they will see it soon enough."
"Surely it isn't too obvious."
"Well, it wouldn't be if the rock didn't hit the glass and make such a racket that the entire class has to turn to see it."

Apparently, this first happened when she had taken the turtle home over the summer break and it woke her and her husband up in the middle of the night and they couldn't figure out what was going on. Finally, her husband made the discovery and returned to bed, pretty irate saying, "Would you believe it's that damn horny turtle humping his rock?"

Apparently, it's not just for toads anymore.